Sunday, 18 September 2011

Breastfeeding and me .

I have a love hate relationship with breastfeeding. All three of my children have been breastfed albeit for varying amount of times. My first never seemed to stop. She wanted to be attached to me constantly . We are talking 3 hour feeds! If I'm honest I felt like a human dummy! It was with some relief that I stopped before Tegan was 2 months old. She was only gaining 2 or 3oz a week and when the health visitor suggested topping up with formula to boost her weight gain I took that to mean that my milk wasn't good enough. So that was that. My second baby wasn't interested! Seriously from day one I had to force him to feed and he would only nurse for ten minutes max. Again his weight gain was slow and top ups were suggested. This time tho I was determined to carry on so I expressed milk daily and topped him up with that instead of formula. Euan was breastfed until just before his first birthday . He self weaned , no amount if coaxing would get that boy to nurse for longer . So again that was that!
So now I'm on baby number 3. Mason breastfeeds like a pro. He feeds for a reasonable amount of time. His latch is great and I experience very little discomfort ( I had to resort with breast sheilds with the other two ) . As for weight gain? Well I don't know as I haven't had him weighed in a couple of weeks but he regained his birth weight by day 10 so I'm guessing he is doing just fine!
The thing is tho .... I don't like it! I always assumed that it was down to various issues we were experiencing before. This time no issues but it still makes me feel , well, icky! I feel a bit suffocated while he nurses. I feel irritated and ansty. I dislike the leaking, I can't stand breast pads. I feel like I constantly smell milky. Bleurgh! I don't like nursing bras. I don't like having to wear easy access clothes! However I DO like the conveinience , I DO like knowing that I am providing for my son. I do like those milky drunk baby smiles at the end of a feed. I will continue to breastfeed, of course I will! But am I the only person in the world who DOESN'T love it ? I mean I know there are people who switch to formula because it doesn't work out. Or this that never start because they don't like the idea or whatever. But is there anyone else out there who doesn't like it but breastfeeds anyway?

1 comment:

  1. I'm certain you aren't alone in feeling that way. A lot of people are probably quite scared to admit they felt that way. It's hard to admit everything you looked forward to is something you really don't particularly like.