Today I've woken in a completely different frame of mind! It helps that the sun is shining I am sure! Voice is missing in action , nose is blocked , house is untidy but do you know what? Life is good! I have goals and it might take me a long time but I will achieve them. No-one ever got anywhere by just moaning about what's wrong with the world , you have to be proactive!So I'm making lists , decluttering and trying to see the positives that surround me. I'm not going to pretend that every day will be easy but easy is boring anyway! Onwards and upwards!
My baby is 9 weeks old already and in some ways it feel like he has been here forever. My older two are well settled at school ( and then along comes half term!) and normality is slowly returning! It's easy to forget that I've just had a baby and subsequently I'm maybe pushing myself too far. The late night and early starts are taking there toll and for the second time since Masons arrival I have lost my voice. Miserable under any circumstances I think you'll agree but for a singer disastrous ! It has a direct affect on my mood and so I now just feel like crying and I'm very sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself won't make me better tho so I need to try hard to be proactive instead. So for a couple of days I will wrap up warm , drink honey and lemon and concentrate on REST .
How can it be that seven weeks after Mason was born I suddenly feel worse not better? I was coping or at least doing a great impression of someone coping. I was wearing make-up and heels for goodness sake. Now I'm struggling to do my hair!! Aaaaarrrrrggghhhh! This feeling of exhaustion started to get worse once I ran out of my placenta capsules, a coincidence maybe? Maybe not? Regardless I'm going to look for some vitamins or something to boost me back up.
Getting my life balance is so very tricky. I want to continue doing the things that make me feel good , make me feel like me . Yet I feel so very guilty a lot of the time. Shouldn't I be giving up my hobbies etc to concentrate on my children who are after all now my life? However if I give up on 'my' stuff what will I do once the children grow up and move on? Won't it be too late then to pick up where I left off? If I give up singing til my youngest is 16 I'll be in my mid forties !! How many opportunities will be available to me then? I'm feeling tired and unwell this week.I know this is because I went out at the weekend and rehearsed on Monday. If I'd just stayed at home with my babies I would be ok. Am I being punished for wanting a life. Or am I just being hysterical because I'm tired. I moaned to some online friends this week , I normally try to stay positive. I was told , in jest I think, to shut up. And now I feel upset and cross. Gah they were right to tell me to shut up I'm getting on my own nerves!!