Things have got a little crazy

I'm still here , still plodding along. The children are wonderful . Mason is 3 months already ! I should be happy , I am happy but I've got to be honest things have got a little confusing. I can't talk about it here, or anywhere really? So I'm being quiet , working things out , plodding. I will be back .

Friday again

The weeks seem to be flying by at the moment. It will soon be Christmas and then new year. It only feels like yesterday that Dave and I were discussing maybe the possibility of baby number 3 and now here I am nursing him , doing homework with my 5 year old and chatting to my 3 year old . Who , by the way, only knew about 5 words this time last year! Insane!! Things are not easy at the moment. I am tired all the time and really really need to get over my desire to be fricking super mum. Who is she anyway? My children are clean ( sort of) dressed ( in a fashion) and fed every day. That's pretty darn amazing me thinks . Pre children I used to struggle to just get me out of the door on time! I can't quite believe that I'm the same person as back then . That girl still exists , I catch glimpses of her from time to time . Generally tho I am a whole new me. Most of the time I love new me. Other times I could slap her!! Haha!!

Next week I will hopefully post some pics of some crafty projects I've got on the go.

Hey you never know I may even be back to posting every day at some points!! Don't hold your breath tho please :)

Late nights and early starts

It's a strange thing for someone as tired as I claim to be to stay up past midnight and to get up before Dawn. But recently that's what been happening. A combination of things causing this but the main problem is my inability to turn off my brain. It is constantly racing thinking about life , love and everything. I wish I could just solve some of the problems in my own and in my family's lives but I fear more problems would only arrive. Therefore I need to work out a way to put my worries to one side just long enough to get some really restful sleep. My immune system does not appear to be coping well with the barrage of germs the winter months and school age children are throwing at me. My singing voice is still not back to full strength , my skin is pale and spotty and my tummy is flabby . Ok well that last one might be more to do with constant snacking and lack of exercise but you get the picture.
On a more positive note Tegan and Euan are loving school . Mason appears to be thriving . I have good friends , a fulfilling hobby which I one day hope to earning from ( the singing - please voice come back!) and the ever supportive family! So mostly things are good in my world , the problems are really all superficial and caused by my greed.

So I just need to get over myself! Job done!! Lol!!

Happy Friday!

Today I've woken in a completely different frame of mind! It helps that the sun is shining I am sure! Voice is missing in action , nose is blocked , house is untidy but do you know what? Life is good! I have goals and it might take me a long time but I will achieve them. No-one ever got anywhere by just moaning about what's wrong with the world , you have to be proactive!So I'm making lists , decluttering and trying to see the positives that surround me. I'm not going to pretend that every day will be easy but easy is boring anyway! Onwards and upwards!

Time is flying by so quickly

My baby is 9 weeks old already and in some ways it feel like he has been here forever. My older two are well settled at school ( and then along comes half term!) and normality is slowly returning! It's easy to forget that I've just had a baby and subsequently I'm maybe pushing myself too far. The late night and early starts are taking there toll and for the second time since Masons arrival I have lost my voice. Miserable under any circumstances I think you'll agree but for a singer disastrous ! It has a direct affect on my mood and so I now just feel like crying and I'm very sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself won't make me better tho so I need to try hard to be proactive instead. So for a couple of days I will wrap up warm , drink honey and lemon and concentrate on REST .

Swimming through soup

How can it be that seven weeks after Mason was born I suddenly feel worse not better? I was coping or at least doing a great impression of someone coping. I was wearing make-up and heels for goodness sake. Now I'm struggling to do my hair!! Aaaaarrrrrggghhhh! This feeling of exhaustion started to get worse once I ran out of my placenta capsules, a coincidence maybe? Maybe not? Regardless I'm going to look for some vitamins or something to boost me back up.

Feeling stressed

Getting my life balance is so very tricky. I want to continue doing the things that make me feel good , make me feel like me . Yet I feel so very guilty a lot of the time. Shouldn't I be giving up my hobbies etc to concentrate on my children who are after all now my life? However if I give up on 'my' stuff what will I do once the children grow up and move on? Won't it be too late then to pick up where I left off? If I give up singing til my youngest is 16 I'll be in my mid forties !! How many opportunities will be available to me then? I'm feeling tired and unwell this week.I know this is because I went out at the weekend and rehearsed on Monday. If I'd just stayed at home with my babies I would be ok. Am I being punished for wanting a life. Or am I just being hysterical because I'm tired. I moaned to some online friends this week , I normally try to stay positive. I was told , in jest I think, to shut up. And now I feel upset and cross. Gah they were right to tell me to shut up I'm getting on my own nerves!!